- Aprajita Anand has been a life coach for children of the ultra-rich for over a decade.
- Anand says most clients come to her after failing to achieve success with traditional therapy.
- Anand emphasizes the importance of taking action, changing motivations and contributing to others.
This as told essay is based on a conversation with Aprajita Anand41, a life coach based in New York City. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I have been a life coach for children of the ultra-rich for twelve years. I started this career path very organically. I worked as a teacher in New York City supporting largely wealthy students, and I noticed that they were struggling emotionally in profound ways.
Society often dismisses them as spoiled, rich kids who may not deserve sympathy, although I think this assumption makes them a strangely underserved population.
That’s why I turned to life coaching and have dedicated my career to helping my students—teens and young adults—navigate the core issues that come with their wealth.
Most of my clients have the same story
Problems typically arise when the child faces rejection, failure, or a struggle that money cannot solve.
Many of these problems are social in nature, such as the breakup or excommunication of a group of friends or even more systemic problems such as racism.
This knee-jerk reaction is usually followed by a withdrawal from academic, social, or family life in which they numb themselves with social media, video games, drugs, online shopping, or other behaviors of choice.
Parents’ first reaction is often to send their child to a therapist or psychiatrist. I’m a big believer in therapy, but in some cases these kids feel even more lost and despondent because they’re stuck in their feelings and don’t know what to do with them. They may wonder how they have all the advantages in the world and yet can’t escape difficult emotions, causing them to sink deeper into their numbing behavior.
This is often the time when parents bring their children to me.
3 steps to overcome the 3 biggest problems
In my experience, a large part of traditional talk therapy is about processing feelings and breaking thought patterns. I use some of those elements as a life coach, but I emphasize taking action. I have developed a curriculum to guide young people through three key issues with three key actions.
1. Switch to an internal checkpoint
Many of my clients fall into a victim mentality, believing they are at the mercy of an unkind world. I empower them to understand that they can choose how they respond to any situation.
I had a student who didn’t get into her first choice college, which was hard for her because it was possibly her first major rejection.
She reluctantly attended her second choice, but refused to participate in freshman orientation or interact with her peers, and locked herself in her room, numbing herself with social media and Netflix. She caused unnecessary suffering by being in a victim mentality.
When we started working together, I focused on helping her regain her locus of control by taking action, any action. The action she wanted to take was to apply for a transfer to her first choice school. I agreed to support her if she had a change in mindset, which is step number two.
2. Find internal motivation
Our culture generally equates success with relatively superficial attributes like grades, prestigious colleges, flashy jobs, and lots of money.
However, I assumed that someone who grew up in a wealthy environment would not feel burdened by money and would be free to live a life of indulgence, free of expectations. To my surprise, my students feel the opposite. They live in an environment that reinforces the idea that money and status are their source of value.
So in my client’s case, going to a really good school instead of a great school was a complete failure.
As she waited to hear about her transfer requests, I encouraged her to tap into positive things in her current environment and engage in things that brought her joy. She reluctantly joined an interest-based club and went to her professor’s office hours to talk about the big ideas on her mind. Slowly, she began to feel like a member of the campus community.
At the end of that year, she was accepted into her first choice university and ultimately declined the offer. She had changed her motivation from external to internal and decided that the personal reward outweighed the status.
3. Contribute to someone else’s well-being
Many of my clients have never had to work, clean, or think about anyone but themselves. But the amount of time they spend thinking about themselves can be exhausting.
I recommend that my students find a way to contribute to someone else’s life, such as volunteering with a professional organization or simply helping with chores around the house.
In the student’s case, she took a leadership position in her sorority and ultimately loved her role in helping recruits settle into the community.
Contributing to something bigger is a positive, healthy way to solve personal problems and find joy in helping someone else. I make sure they understand that this is not to pad their resume or check a box; it is necessary for building a meaningful life.
If you work with children of the ultra-wealthy and would like to share your expertise, email Tess Martinelli at tmartinelli@businessinsider.com.
