Editor’s note: Oona Hanson is a writer, educator, and parent coach who specializes in helping families navigate diet culture and eating disorders.
The latest fitness gear and gadgets regularly appear in holiday shopping guides, but that doesn’t mean a new pair of running shoes or a gym membership is a foolproof gift for your loved one.
While physical activity provides mental and physical health benefits for most people, exercising has become so closely linked to weight loss that an exercise gift can come across as thinly veiled body-shaming.
“Never buy an unsolicited fitness or nutrition-related gift for someone. These gifts always come with a side of diet culture, whether we realize it or not,” said Leslie Schilling, a Las Vegas-based registered dietitian who specializes in sports nutrition and disordered eating recovery.
Even when given with love and the best intentions, these types of gifts can have an undertone of ‘you need to change somehow,’ which usually ends up being quite damaging to the gift recipient,” Schilling added .
The risks for children
The risks are even greater when giving fitness gifts to children and teens. For adolescents, whose self-esteem can be particularly fragile, a not-so-subtle instruction to exercise more can harm their mental health.
When parents indicate that a child’s body is a problem, “we see an increase in low self-esteem because there is a feeling of ‘I have to be different.’ I have to change. What I look like now is not good enough’ – and that can include eating disorders, depression and anxiety,” says Carolyn Comas, an eating disorder therapist in Los Angeles.
For parents who feel responsible for encouraging an inactive child to get moving, it’s tempting to think that a fitness gift could be the perfect catalyst. But this well-intentioned effort can backfire in several ways.
While gift givers may assume they’re offering motivation to be more active, surprising someone with a fitness gift can hinder their ability to exercise, Schilling said.
“Fitness is very personal,” she says. “Supporting our autonomy is very important. And so when someone gives us a Fitbit or a personal training gift card or whatever it is, whether we want it or not, it takes away the autonomy that is such a crucial part of joyful, sustainable fitness and health practices. ”
The irony is that giving unwanted advice disguised as a gift can make it harder for the recipient to be more active. When people feel pressured, judged, or bad about themselves, it ultimately reduces their motivation. Giving such a loaded gift “may even deter someone from engaging in health behaviors because they feel hurt by them,” Schilling said.
If parents want to lay the foundation for lifelong exercise enjoyment, turning exercise into something that comes with fear or shame is not the solution. For children who are not naturally inclined to participate in sports or other forms of exercise, “the best way is to introduce it in a non-formal way because if it’s fun, you’ll want to do it. And that is what we want all exercises to be,” Comas noted. “It’s not a punishment, but something you look forward to, because then you’ll do it for the rest of your life.”
This could look like inviting children to participate in family activities such as nature walks, ice skating or sledding — without any commentary on burning calories or “earning” dessert, Comas said.
The appeal of wearable technology
But what if your teen is the one begging for the latest designer yoga pants or cool wearable tech?
With trendy sportswear, Schilling and Comas agree that this is generally a safer bet, as athleisure has become everyday comfort and fashion for many people. But it may still be worth reaching out to your teen or tween to learn more about why they want those items.
Smartwatches may be all the rage, but parents should think twice about them, even if they’re on a child’s wish list. Professionals who treat eating disorders strongly caution against giving these devices to children.
“I don’t recommend giving children wearables. Period. I think it’s really dangerous,” Schilling said. Because these devices track things like steps and calories, “what seems harmless can slide into obsessive thinking,” Comas added. “It’s like a little eating disorder brain on your wrist.”
Even if your kids insist that smartwatches are meant to communicate or because they’re so cool to have, remember that gift-giving during the winter holidays takes place against the backdrop of relentless cultural messages about upcoming New Year’s resets and diet plans. Having all that data at your fingertips while surrounded by increased pressure to be thin can pose problems, especially for growing children.
“We know that dieting and weight loss can certainly be a precursor to developing an eating disorder,” says Comas.
So if teens are requesting a fitness product because they want to ‘get in shape’, it’s worth asking them to tell you more. There is a big difference between wanting to improve their athletic performance and feeling like they need to change their appearance. Perhaps what they are really asking for is the gift of knowing that they are okay, just the way they are.
When in doubt, give something else. Schilling advised, “If you’re not sure how it will land, don’t do it. Because I’ve sat across from clients who have never forgotten a parent or spouse or someone who gave them a fitness or diet-related gift, and they still sit in my office talking about it.
If you or someone you know may be struggling with an eating disorder, the National Alliance on Eating Disorders offers resources and referrals.
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